Friday, January 11, 2008

An Existential/Philosophical Question

Who would you rather be? Martha?
Christmas with Martha Stewart.

Or Paris?
Paris Hilton

Now let's think this through.

Martha is obviously older, so we have to get rid of that distinction. You're picking Martha, if you do pick her, at her youngest and prettiest.

In her time, she rivaled PH, at least for looks. But of course she always had that I Have a Better Background Than You demeanor, which is so important in the Envy Sweepstakes. Somehow Paris doesn't have that. She has more of the I Have No Good Sense But A Higher Credit Card Limit Than You look. It's easily ascertained, dear reader, that Martha is from New Jersey and Paris close by in NYC or the Hamptons or wherever those people live. Both could be Yankee fans. Ugh.

Which one has more fun? I don't think this is an easy decision. It may be that that little dog Paris carries around bites the shit out of her wrists. That can't be fun.

And when your cell phone constantly, and I mean constantly, rings, that can't be fun either. Picking ringtones is fun, though. Maybe Paris knows the Hallelujah Chorus and uses it for when one of her friends calls. HEY, GIRL!! TWO FOR ONE AT GUCCI!! [yeah, like THAT would matter]

Paris Hilton at The Beach in Bikini

Both have been in the slam, so it's fair to say neither leads an exemplary life. Neither are helping humanity, although I suppose Martha could be sent to one of the world's poor spots for table manners instruction.

Plus Martha is so competent. Geez.

How many people do you know who could make that orange thing? Please don't ask me what it is.

Furthermore, try to picture being marooned in a stewardless wine bar with one of these two. Martha can twist that corkscrew one-handed. Barefoot. She can do it behind her back. Behind yours. Although it might not be fair to say that Paris couldn't operate a corskcrew.

But this isn't about fair, dear reader. It's about a choice.

Oh gee. Oh gosh. I'm embarrassed to give mine, but here it is.

Paris all the way.
Because I could never be Martha. And I feel a little sorry for Paris. She has a sweet side, it seems to me, and gets a bad rap. Plus, are you kidding me? She has WAY more fun and looks WAY better in a bathing suit. It comes down to beautiful and competent versus shallow and slutty.

No contest.
A bientot


At 1:50 PM , Blogger Toni Lea Andrews said...

I gotta go with Martha. I think I could overcome being a bitch (although I have some acquaintances that might disagree) but there is no way I could handle being stooooopid.

Also, that sex-on-the-internet thing is hard to overcome...

At 2:35 PM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

Gosh, Toni, I forgot about that. Oh well. BUt like I said, I just couldn't be Martha. Thanks for voting....b

At 10:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Martha is the way to go.
Why would anyone want to be as stupid and incompetant as Paris?
Plus, I could eat and take care of my house all I wanted.


At 12:26 AM , Blogger sandman1 said...

I get it -- lesser of two evils! You're getting us in the mood for the Presidential election, right?

At 6:32 AM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Hilarious! As ever.
It has to be Paris for me - and I NEVER thought I'd EVER say that - but it's the choice you've given - Martha I could never be. Ugh. Far too organised and soul-less.

At 5:31 PM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

Whew, CB, I'm glad you sided with me. I know what you're saying, Liz, it's more of an anti-Martha thing, I guess, than a pro-Paris.

Right as usual, sm.



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