Excuses, excuses

At this time in the semester, I am deluged with excuses. Buried. Swamped. They (the authors)are always very sorry.

"Dear Professor Motew,
I am so sorry for missing class. I am extremely sorry to bother you. I am sorrier than I can say for my miserable existence.."
OKAY, OKAY, WE'RE SORRY. OUR HEADS ARE BOWED. GET ON WITH IT.
"I know I wasn't supposed to miss any more class, but when I woke up on Tuesday, I had terrible stomach pains and panic attacks. My roommate said I looked awful, although it could have been the fact that I was out till 4 and plastered out of my mind."
YES MAYBE IT COULD HAVE BEEN THAT.
"I was wondering if you could tell me if I missed anything."
NO, YOU MISSED NOTHING. NOTHING OF THE LEAST VALUE WAS UTTERED IN CLASS. YOU WERE FAR BETTER OFF AT HOME HUNG OVER--AND MAY I USE THAT AS A BOOK TITLE?
"Is there any assignment?"
DO THE WORDS "CHECK THE SYLLABUS" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THAT MEANS?
"Again I am very very sorry for all of this."
NO PROBLEM.

There are lots and lots of variations on this theme. Sometimes they say there has been a death in the family, but they don't say who it is. I don't mean to be rude, but this makes me wonder if it is the dog. Or they say they have "stuff" going on. Oh of course--stuff! Why didn't you say so?

"It was a wonderful accomplishment and to me felt like winning the gold metal."

"I was leaning over the bed in dyer pain."

[hairdressers experience this if a color goes really bad]

In other news, Maeve turned three. Where has the time gone? She'll be going out to the prom before I know it.

Molly is getting big, shown here expressing her worry that owner of finger will not come back with proper food.

Par-TAY!!!!

love,

becky

p.s. half pound more lost--yaaay!

6 weeks Later

Okay, so I'm pretty happy about the diet right this second. I lost another pound this week, bringing the grand total to 6 pounds in 6 weeks. I know that pace won't last. I know it from past experience, but it doesn't pierce the lovely glow I feel right now.

I also feel queasy, though. Why? See that picture above? That is from a tapas restaurant (I always think people are saying "topless" restaurant) where I am dining tonight. How will I possibly conquer this challenge? I don't dare drink any wine because tomorrow is my ballbuster schedule and there wouldn't be anything worse than trying to do it hung over. So no drinking, just supreme, arm-gnawing hunger. Oh well, it will be fun anyway.

A bigger challenge will be next weekend when I have to face Maeve's birthday cake.
Well, I will HAVE to have a small slice. I will. Let's just hope I don't pull a knife and demand the whole thing for myself.
Speaking of eating until one is sick, my yearly trip to Arkansas is coming up too and we all know what that means.
Yes that's right. And plenty of.......

I was listening to someone talking on Saturday night about the diet she's been on where she's lost 16 pounds in a month. I did not rush to choke her. I did not do anything unseemly. See? Now a man would have sat back in his chair and belched loudly to show editorial comment. It was belch-worthy too, but I did not.

I just wrote a chicken sex scene in my new book. In the interests of full disclosure, it's people having the sex and a chicken making an appearance. Sheesh, details, details.

I've been mesmerized by Mad Men lately until last night. No more Miss Farrell. How blah.

Monday seems like a good day to blog, dear reader. I will probably be doing that for a while.
A bientot
love,
Becky

Normalcy

I've had a lovely week of not writing down everything I eat. I did stay on the Hamster Plan for the full week, though, and lost ANOTHER POUND. That's right--five pounds in five weeks! So I am relatively satisfied. In other news, well, I guess there is no other news. Here are some bloops from this fall semester.

"Fifteen agonizing minuets passed." [you know, it's true. Dancing is agony for some.]

"I commanded the dog to sit vocally." [I usually like him to recite Keats.]

In a related sentence, the same writer said that the dog" could sit without having to say sit." Rather remarkable, I'd say.

".....some other authors such as P. G. Wholehouse."

"She brought her own flare to the stage."

And finally, these very true words:

"We need to reduce admissions into the atmosphere." [way too many freshmen up there!]

A bientot

love,

becky

Final Weigh-In and Comments

Loss for the last week: half a pound Can you believe that, dear reader? All that hunger and suffering for one lousy half pound--not even a whole pound? It goes against what you read about calories consumed and calories burned. I really believe metabolism plays a big big role. Age plays a role too and I am no, well, you know, it rhymes with bing licken.

My body at my age wants to be soft and plump and saggy. It wants to in the worst way. It fights me. I can barely win and I only win if I concentrate really hard and force myself to starve. Well, I don't mean starve, but stay really hungry.

Don't let anybody tell you that you don't have to be hungry to lose weight. You do. You have to go to bed hungry every night to make it happen. You have to do it night after night. You have to keep at it day in and day out, especially on the days when it doesn't seem to work at all, days when you actually GAIN weight. Yup. That happened to me several times.

It's all well and good to read about these people who lose tremendous amounts in a short time, but I am not one of them. I don't think most people are. It's lonely and unfair. It does eventually happen, though.

Total loss for one month (28 days): 4 pounds
ALL THAT EFFORT for only four pounds? Many would never ever guess that the total loss would be that small.

But I am not surprised. I am a veteran of diets. For me, a pound a week is pretty good. So if I want to lose the rest of the ten, it will take another six weeks.

Ugh.

On the other hand, what else am I doing?

Why do I care? When will I reach an age where I don't care?

I don't know. I just know I still care.

I also know if I start relaxing and increase my calories, the weight will jump back on. I worked too hard to let that happen.
Let this chronicle stand as a scientific case study of how a month of calorie counting will work. I am five feet six and a half. I'm not going to give up.

I am, however, going to take a blog break for a while. I've been saving bloopers, so I will be back when I feel the urge. Thanks for staying with me. I'm wearing a new pair of jeans and they feel good. love to all,
becky

Day 28

And so in a spirit of muted celebration I have arrived at the last day. I can't believe it and I wish I could say it flew by. It did not. It dragged. I wish I had the patience of Julia Child, or of Meryl Streep (shown here auditioning with a new partner for Dancing With the Stars), so that I could have cooked some yummy consoling dishes for my hunger. But I did not. I am a sluggard in the domestic arts and will always choose something easy. I will post here tomorrow or the next day on my final weight and my final thoughts on the whole experiment. Fingers crossed for my final weigh-in.

Breakfast: The Usual 290

Lunch: WW Santa Fe Hamster Fillets 330

Dollop of Thousand Island 50

grapes 70

Dinner: slice of toast YUM 100

WW Mystery Parmesan 310

grapes 60

BreathSavers 60

TOTAL: 1270

EXERCISE: Rain and --no, it can't be true--SNOW no exercise

OPTIMISM: 9

HUNGER: 9

MAIN BITCH: our weather is not like Aruba

LITTLE VOICE: you'll never be able to keep this up.

love,

Shapely under the Drapely

Day 27

Nearing the end, dear reader. At least the end of the public confessional aspect. GOD, I can hardly wait. I think I will post tomorrow night and then do a final wrap-up on Monday.

Breakfast: The Usual 290

Lunch: LC Paninni 330 (not too bad, it has an actual piece of bread in it)
grapes 70

Dinner: small serving of chicken stir fry (about one third of what I really wanted) 300
green beans with butter 40 (but I have no idea)
salad with small dollop Ken's Italian Hair Oil dressing 30
grapes 60
BreathSavers 80
TOTAL: 1200
EXERCISE: walk around Gates Pond with friends and packs of dogs
OPTIMISM: 9
HUNGER: 10 (I really wanted wine today)
MAIN BITCH: It's lonely to be hungry.
LITTLE VOICE: Your results are pitiful.
love,
Hot Tomato Studies Plato

Day 26

These boots from Polyvore look just like the ones I bought today, except mine have cool ribbons in the back. I also bought a brown pair. I am stylin', baby! Anything to keep from thinking about food.

Breakfast: The Usual 290

Lunch: LC Hyena Meat with Medallions of Laughter 270
grapes 60
one string cheese 80

Dinner: slice of toast YYYYUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM 100
WW Slimeballs with Tylenol Sauce 270
grapes 60
fudgcicle 60
BreathSavers 60

TOTAL: 1250
EXERCISE: hard horse farm walk
OPTIMISM: 8
HUNGER: 10 (assuaged by boot purchase)
MAIN BITCH: can't eat boots
LITTLE VOICE: it isn't working.
love,
Willowy in the Pillowy (?)