Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Girlfriends' Cyber Circuit: Earthly Pleasures

Intriguing title on this one and I can't wait to read it, especially given the identity of the author. [see below, dear reader]

Doesn't it look good? through the miracle of modern technology, you can leave me for a while and buy the book.

EARTHLY PLEASURES has been chosen to be a Booksense Notable for February. And Publishers' Weekly has this to say:

"...Appealingly unorthodox... a heaven where angels lust, drink and follow terrestrial celebrity gossip… A tangled story of cold ambition and true love unspools. Neches’s funny and sweet novel shows that to err is human and angelic as well."

Earthly Pleasures


Karen Neches

Welcome to Heaven. Use your Wishberry to hustle up whatever you want. Have an online chat with God. Visit the attractions such as Retail Rapture, Wrath of God miniature golf and Nocturnal Theater, where nightly dreams are translated to film.

Your greeter might just be Skye Sebring who advises her newly dead clients on what to expect now that they’re expired. “Heaven is like a Corona Beer commercial” she assures her charges. “It’s all about contentment.”

So different than Earth where chaos reigns. Unfortunately for Skye, she’s been chosen to live her first life. She’s required to attend Earth 101 classes, which teach all of the world’s greatest philosophies through five Beatle songs.

Skye has no interest in Earthly pursuits, until lawyer Ryan Blaine briefly becomes her client after a motorcycle accident. Just as they are getting to know each other, he is revived and sent back to Earth.

She follows his life via the TV channel “Earthly Pleasures” but discovers he has a wife as well as a big secret. Why then does he call a show for the lovelorn to talk about the lost love of his life?

In Earthly Pleasures (Simon and Schuster, February 2008) great love can transcend the dimensions, narrowing the vast difference between Heaven and Earth.

Advance Praise for Earthly Pleasures:

"What a treat! Earthly Pleasures more than lives up to its name. I was glued to the pages of this delightful little gem of a novel, and wish it could have been twice as long!"
-- Megan Crane, author of Frenemies

”Karen Neches' Earthly Pleasures is a rare treat. I laughed from the first page and cried in all the right places. Do yourself a favor and curl up with this book. Heaven knows, you won't be sorry!"
--Julie Kenner, author of Demons Are Forever
"Equally hilarious and poignant, Earthly Pleasures is a little powerhouse of a novel about love, life...and what comes next."
--Melissa Senate, author of See Jane Date and Love You to Death
"Karen Neches’s novel is an intriguing love story with a rare combination of both wit and depth. In her fresh voice Neches gives us an innovative version of heaven where the one true thing still remains: love that transcends both time and space."

--Patti Callahan Henry, National bestselling novelist of Between the Tides

“Earthly Pleasures is more than just a novel. It's a dream, a calling, a divine trip from which you won't want to come home. I loved it!—Valerie Frankel, author of I Take This Man and Hex and the Single Girl.

About the Author
Karen Neches was single for over twenty years. She used to tell people she was in the “hospice stage” of being single as she never expected to recover. Then at the age of forty-three she finally met her soul mate. Earthly Pleasures is dedicated to him. She maintains a web site here.

Neches also writes under the name Karin Gillespie and is the wonderfully talented nationally bestselling author of The Sweet Potato Queen’s First Big-Ass Novel with Jill Conner Browne and three novels in the critically acclaimed Bottom Dollar Girl series. She’s founder of the virtual tour The Girlfriend's Cyber Circuit as well as the grog for Southern authors A Good Blog is Hard to Find. She is a former lifestyle columnist for the Augusta Chronicle.

Off for the weekend, dear reader.

A bientot

Go Pats



Monday, January 28, 2008

A Super Week

Didn't a lot more people use to use that word? Especially when you would ask how they were doing.


How's your day going?


Kinda made you want to puke, as I recall. See? The language really does change But anyway, it's Super Bowl time and I can't remember wh

I've been less excited. This is the venue, University of Phoenix stadium, home of the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. Why can't TideeBowl sponsor a dome or a bowl anyway and give us all pleasure? Or Preparation H? What's the matter with their marketing departments? And wow, that Ferris Wheel looks really festive, doesn't it? Talk about an afterthought. Bet the tickets are twenty bucks each.

I said, I PROMISED, that if the Red Sox won the World Series
Jonathan Papelbon and Jason Varitek savor the moment.

(pitchers and catchers report in 16 days) that I would not be greedy, and I'm a woman of my word. Don't get me wrong. I want the Pats to win. But I'm not wearing my lucky socks or doing any of the surefire things that would make that happen (like not talking about it and not jinxing it). There are a lot of layers here, dear reader.

Here's their quarterback.

Here's ours.

Any questions? Where do I buy stock in Stetson anyway?
Team owner Robert Kraft gets off the plane in the rain in Arizona.
This is our owner getting off the plane in Arizona. How would you like to sit next to him on the flight? I heard him once on the radio trying to compliment one of the DJs on their interview skills: "That's good discourse," he said.

THAT'S GOOD BASS! (who remembers that?)

Thanks to the Boston Globe for all pix (except Tommy Boy).
A bientot

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I Got Your Horoscope

Are you ready?

Okay, here goes.

Planets are aligned for you today. It's a good time to pay bills and take care of money matters. Also that change in career you've been contemplating? It's coming closer. It's almost here. Take action on it today if it feels right to you. The secret in your heart burns

brightly. Don't let it go out. Small talk with acquaintances can be annoying today, but rewarding in the long run. Stay with it. Intellectualizing your experiences can make them easier to bear.

Okay then. You can mail me a check. I'll keep my psychic abilities up and focused. As long as they don't interfere with my housecleaning schedule. Ahem.


First days in the semester are hopeful and exhilarating as always. Students take great care with the smallest of assignments. I am struck once again by how many manage to get themselves enrolled under very adverse circumstances.

God love 'em.

I try really hard to get everybody's name, but it inevitably takes me a couple of weeks. Are you Kristin? Brittany? No wait. You're Jennifer. Ashley. Oh god, WHO ARE YOU?

I saw another movie, dear reader. Man!!! I am the Viewing Machine these days. This one was 27 Dresses with Katherine Heigl of Grey's Anatomy. It was cute. Not bad.

The best scene was KH finding out that the man she loves has just proposed to her own sister. Yikes. She keeps herself composed and finds the exit. Once outside the door, she yells MOTHERFKER at the top of her lungs. Gotta love that.

Wonder what would happen if I did that in class.

Stay warm, dear reader. I'm wearing my ugly gross coat with dirt stains on it, which I would never do if it weren't cold, cold, bail-out-of-New-England-type cold.

A bientot



Monday, January 21, 2008

New Glasses Redux


George Burns Smartness.


Only the Loneliness

Her Royal Curmudgeonliness (I'm not sure about this. I think I feel like Rod Serling.)

Busy today, dear reader, in some kind of Twilight Zone for sure.
A bientot

Saturday, January 19, 2008

New Glasses

I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve, and I'm one who does most of the time except when I'm being a Complete or Partial Bitch, but can you see this gal from 1936? Couldn't they have picked Wallis Simpson or somebody a bit more chic?

Maybe Wallis didn't wear glasses, especially after becoming Duchess of Lah Dee Dah Windsor. God, imagine being her maid. Imagine the living hell that would be your life.



I'm not going to get off track here. I am shopping for eyeglasses and it's most confusing.

These are DKNY frames and very chic. It's the rectangular shape that makes them so. I'm not stupid. I can recognize this since 9 out of 10 frames look exactly like these.

These are Polo frames and also chic. I walked around with a tiger stripe version of these on at Lenscrafter yesterday. The problem is my vision is so bad that in order to see what the frames actually look like, I either have to wear them over my real glasses or wear the real glasses over them. It's what you call lose/lose. Or blind leading the blind. I cain't see it, mummy.
Sophia LorenThey say your chest actually starts enlarging if you wear Sophia Loren frames but mine didn't. They should try giving away a free Wonderbra with every purchase. Hey, I know my coupons, remember?

But I like those little rectangular doobers. I think I will be hard-headed and hard-nosed in those. And possibly write a better book.

Some of them are rather small, though, and I asked the consultant if I looked like I was wearing swim goggles.

She said no.

Tanning goggles?

She still said no and this time looked a little wary. Do you suppose they get weird-o's in there?

So now I'm thinking it over. I will probably use the same strategy I do with restaurant menus--make a split-second decision when I have to.

Stay tuned, dear reader.
Go Pats. Go Tommy Boy (don't forget my table hockey challenge)!

A bientot

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I like nuns. I get irritated when people make fun of them or assume they are naive simpletons. I may not share their dogma but I admire their conviction and their dedication. Good grief. How many people do you know who put their whole lives on the line for something they believe in?

People think because they don't have sex, that they are weird. First of all, let's speak the truth. Plenty of people who have sex are terrifically weird. And LOTS of people don't have sex. That's the dirty little secret no one wants to know.

I don't really know why I like dressing up as one at nearly every opportunity. Maybe it's because the costume is fairly easy. It's calming to me in some way. Maybe this is why I wear so much black and white. I do have non-nunlike tendencies, though, fully on display throughout CFTE. In fact, let's not go there.

I went to the Sisters of Mercy (Catherine Macaulay the "foundress," as she is called, is pictured above) in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I am here to tell you I got an excellent education. They know their stuff.

And they're funny. I mean really funny. Also, let's not forget that I did a wicked imitation of Sister Marcelline. I wonder where she is.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" she asked me once when I was brought in for questioning on some infraction. I'm sure I was guilty.

I babbled. I said nothing. Sometimes that was best.

They have ambitions. They want to be successful like everybody else. And they are full of good stories. I am reading Sister Karol Jackowski's book Forever and Ever, Amen, and it is really quite wonderful.

I always knew I would write a "nun" book and I am. Mine is about one who leaves, though, and how she enters life at age 43.

I should also mention my friend Danielle Schaaf's excellent book Don't Chew Jesus, a collection of nun anecdotes and stories from students who lived under nunly jurisdictions. Not every story is pleasant.

I still need a title for my own. Sigh.

It's always something, huh?

Bitch, bitch, bitch. Sorry, Sister.


Sunday, January 13, 2008

Becky Rates Three Movies

It's true, dear reader. In less than a week, fewer than five days, I have seen three flicks. Two were at plexies and one on a great big thousand-inch pan-around-sound entertainment monstrosity. Okay, okay, I don't think it was really a thousand inches.

This all started on Wednesday when I went to the movies and saw ATONEMENT. It happens to fall into the very narrow niche of celluloid entertainment that I will agree to watch. I will not view anything called Diehard or Terminator or Alien or Batman. I don't like cartoons or anything animated. I don't like children's movies. I am the only American who has never seen ET and never will. I don't like horror movies or slashers or anything violent.

I do like beautiful English manor houses with gorgeous wallpaper. And ATONEMENT has all of that.

It also has Keira Knightley in a to-die for green silk dress, which she wears while getting pinned to the library wall in a VERY GOOD WAY. I read that the director had problems with the budget on this film, even though he obviously saved a bundle on Keira's meal vouchers. Yikes, girl. Try the tuna melt.

So I'm watching and enjoying the, um, pinning scene and the guy, the young man, oh geez do I have to look up his name--says "I love you." A rather elderly lady in the row in front of me said in a loud voice, "Well, I should hope so." It was one of those Great Audience Moments.

Uh well, the movie? It was pretty good. Not bad. I am not a Vanessa Redgrave fan. She ADORES looking old. She is INTO it. LOOK AT THE LINES ON MY FACE!!! HERE THEY ARE!!! AND I HAVE MOUSTACHE HAIRS!!! LOOK AT THOSE CLOSELY WHILE I ACT AND HAVE INTEGRITY AND HONESTY!!! I don't know. It doesn't work for me.

So then on Friday I saw Juno, this flick about a 16-year-old girl who gets knocked up by her boyfriend and decides to have the baby. Sounds like it's been done before, doesn't it? I guess it has. In this one the girl finds a yuppie couple dying to adopt. Here's a picture of them and Justin Bateman is very sexy. My girlfriend said Duh, everybody knows that. Jennifer Garner does a good job, very longing and such. I saw this movie in one of those trendy places where you go and order a burger and fries to eat at a table while the movie plays. It was full of young kids and more tee heeing than I wanted. But the dialogue was great and I was just waiting to see what the girl would say next. So that's my verdict: predictable plot, predictable ending, but hilarious dialogue. Hey. I've seen worse. But I would like to kill the group of underage drunks who sat next to me.

Last, I saw ONCE. It's Irish and very hard to understand. Most of the time I was going "Huh?" and "What did he say?" It too has a predictable plot. Aspiring singer makes a demo tape and falls in love with piano-playing Czechoslovakian girl Terrific tunes and I may have to buy the


soundtrack. I love the way the Europeans all wear scarves. Sometimes they skip the coat or jacket but they always have a great scarf wound around the neck. My mother used to put Vicks on a cloth and put it around my neck and I always think of that when I look at the Europeans. Call it chic or call it Vicks.

I want to meet one of those cute Irish guys with a scarf. I sing alto.

I think all three of these are Oscar contenders. If I had to vote for one?

Well, hmmmmm.

Juno, I think. For it's life-affirming message and strong family theme. The dad is great.
And an unexpected expectant girl.
In the end, I guess wallpaper only takes us so far, though I hate admitting it.
A bientot

Friday, January 11, 2008

An Existential/Philosophical Question

Who would you rather be? Martha?
Christmas with Martha Stewart.

Or Paris?
Paris Hilton

Now let's think this through.

Martha is obviously older, so we have to get rid of that distinction. You're picking Martha, if you do pick her, at her youngest and prettiest.

In her time, she rivaled PH, at least for looks. But of course she always had that I Have a Better Background Than You demeanor, which is so important in the Envy Sweepstakes. Somehow Paris doesn't have that. She has more of the I Have No Good Sense But A Higher Credit Card Limit Than You look. It's easily ascertained, dear reader, that Martha is from New Jersey and Paris close by in NYC or the Hamptons or wherever those people live. Both could be Yankee fans. Ugh.

Which one has more fun? I don't think this is an easy decision. It may be that that little dog Paris carries around bites the shit out of her wrists. That can't be fun.

And when your cell phone constantly, and I mean constantly, rings, that can't be fun either. Picking ringtones is fun, though. Maybe Paris knows the Hallelujah Chorus and uses it for when one of her friends calls. HEY, GIRL!! TWO FOR ONE AT GUCCI!! [yeah, like THAT would matter]

Paris Hilton at The Beach in Bikini

Both have been in the slam, so it's fair to say neither leads an exemplary life. Neither are helping humanity, although I suppose Martha could be sent to one of the world's poor spots for table manners instruction.

Plus Martha is so competent. Geez.

How many people do you know who could make that orange thing? Please don't ask me what it is.

Furthermore, try to picture being marooned in a stewardless wine bar with one of these two. Martha can twist that corkscrew one-handed. Barefoot. She can do it behind her back. Behind yours. Although it might not be fair to say that Paris couldn't operate a corskcrew.

But this isn't about fair, dear reader. It's about a choice.

Oh gee. Oh gosh. I'm embarrassed to give mine, but here it is.

Paris all the way.
Because I could never be Martha. And I feel a little sorry for Paris. She has a sweet side, it seems to me, and gets a bad rap. Plus, are you kidding me? She has WAY more fun and looks WAY better in a bathing suit. It comes down to beautiful and competent versus shallow and slutty.

No contest.
A bientot

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Goals for the New Year

Having checked in a few moments ago on my goals for LAST year, I feel a bit humbled.

As in I have the same goals. Pretty much. Sort of.

So ditto, fate. Take that, providence. You big lugs. These are my goals and I'm sticking to them.

1) Try to get to High School Weight. HAHAHAHA--is anybody buying this? My body has decided that we are enemies. I hate being enemies. It refuses to give up any of itself and I in turn refuse to give it what it wants: Doritos 24/7, hopefully with some kind of accompanying mayo-based substance, not hot sauce. Every morning I get on the scale and hold my breath. Actually I don't hold my breath because that could add to the total. Sometimes I let my toes hang off the scale too (toes weigh something). And every morning it's the same thing. I have weighed just about the same thing this whole year, varying by about a pound and a half.

You know what? I think that's okay. So let's move on.

2) Continue strange and eccentric exercise habits. Can you imagine wearing this outfit? I don't think there is a single adjective that can be worn across the ass that wouldn't elicit smirks or outright guffaws. Let's try some:


Ill advised





We could go through the dictionary from front to back and have hours of mirth on this. Nouns would be perplexing, I fear.




I wouldn't actually mind wearing analysis. My girlfriend says she wouldn't mind wearing cabernet savignon (she says she has room for it). I have room for mushy zucchini. What a great way to honor my favorite food!!!\

I think I'm getting off track. Maybe a wet suit is the way to go. I bet I'd be really warm outside, but of course my new technique is indoor running around the upstairs of my house, interspersed with jumping jacks. It's working too because recently at my brother's house I was able to power walk up and down his hills without gasping and collapsing.

3) Write my nun book. Make it funny and suspenseful, with each plot line expertly woven into the next. I think I can do it. Confidence is everything for me.

4) Avoid temptation.

5) Vote in the presidential election. I have gotten slackerly in recent years and that's because my interest has fallen off. I need to get pissed off over something, though on second thought, um, Fate? Destiny? I'm only kidding about that, y'all.

6) Read some more thick books. I've been enjoying mysteries lately, including Michael Connelly's OVERLOOK, which was my airport book this time.

7) And finally, GET RID OF THIS CHRISTMAS CRAP. Yes, dear reader, it's that endless winter season where even after you have scoured the house for every holiday candle and doobiewickie, every Feliz Navidad towel hanging on the fridge door, and every tiny needle embedding itself in the carpet, YOU CAN'T GET RID OF IT.
I'm going to try my best, though, starting today. Sputter. Cough.

8) And finally, FINALLY, I want--as I said last year--to be happy and have a twinkle in my eye. I want to rip sadness out of my heart. I choose this for myself.

Incidentally, Mystery Gift Giver--who are you? I'd say thank you but the anonymity bothers me.

A bientot

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Exercising Thoughts

My local track is covered with snow so I can't use it. Well, I could, but not without the big Army boots that come up to my shins and leave bruises. I think I'd look funny too, wouldn't I? Slogging along? The true Virgo purist in me says SO WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU CARE ABOUT THAT?

I cower in front of this purist. She is badass all the way.

Nor do I wish to walk on the regular road. Call me crazy, but I don't like dogs and oncoming cars or especially backcoming cars, the kind you don't see. My friend and I always argue about which side of the road you're supposed to walk on. I say the left, which I think I learned in the Girl Scouts, but my friend says that's extremely annoying for the driver.

YEAH? SO? I let that badass babe talk for me sometimes.

It's even tougher to walk on the road with a friend. About every minute and a half you have to split up and go single file as you wait for vehicles to pass. Space is always limited and especially with ice and snow. I rather like solitary walking anyway for the head-clearing aspect.

Yesterday I went to the track but walked around the high school several times instead.High School PhotoIt was okay. Somehow you feel a little foolish walking around a building, even though the same thing is done on a track. This is fine during school vacation but I wouldn't want to do it when school was in session. All those kids watching me out the window gives me the heebies, not to mention trying to pass me notes: GET ME OUT OF HERE or WHO PICKED THAT OUTFIT?

Recently I have been "running" upstairs in my house. I do jumping jacks every so often just for variety and may be threatening the weight bearing struts in the floor. Badass says don't sweat it.

Also recently I tried walking around the mall as some do. I ended up buying several items and in fact couldn't get past three stores without being lured inside at least one of them. I got some lovely jangly earrings, but no exercise.

Ah well, dear reader, I will figure it out.

Did you know there are Tasering Home Sales parties now? God. Women are considered extremely likely marketing targets, naturally. Here. Try one of these better-than-brownies. Aren't they good? FRED!!! CAN YOU COME IN HERE? Now just stand there while I taser Fred. Oh Fred, you are too funny. What an actor.

Tasering doesn't appeal to me. I don't like violence to start with and surely forgiveness is better than vengeance anyway and involves much lower chardonnay expenditures, logistical tracking, and/or jail time. Screw Badass on this.

A bientot

Friday, January 04, 2008

GCC Pick: Colleen Thompson

If you're looking for an absorbing read (and who isn't?), give seasoned novelist Colleen Thompson a whirl. Colleen herself describes the inspiration behind her latest novel, THE SALT MAIDEN.

Some novels begin with a character, others start with a what-if question or a situation, but my sixth romantic thriller, The Salt Maiden (Leisure, Dec. 2007) was inspired by a place I visited a few years back, a sunburned, sand-scoured desert community in the dead center of the least populated county in the U.S. With water too briny for human consumption and land too to support any but the hardiest of desert plants, it’s an eerily daunting landscape, one that made me wonder, What on earth would bring a person out here?

Apparently my subconscious took it as a challenge, and came up with a Houston veterinarian, Dana Vanover, in search of her troubled missing sister, the birth mother of a child in desperate need of a bone-marrow transplant. In spite of her ambivalence about her sister, Dana braves heat, rattlesnakes, and hostile locals — as well as her attraction to the handsome sheriff who wants her gone.

"Poetic use of language, intricate plotting and a wealth of fascinating details make Thompson's latest novel a masterful work of suspense. Readers will come for the action and stay for the three-dimensional characters and well-crafted narrative. This is a fabulous read!"
Romantic Times BOOKreviews Top Pick,
2007 Reviewers Choice Nominee, Best Romantic Suspense

"An excellent thriller with a touch of romance. I could not bring myself to set the book down. I simply HAD to know what would happen next. From the beginning it is non-stop action, drama, and mystery. Fans of Tess Gerritsen, Tami Hoag, and Sandra Brown will adore this tale. Phenomenal! "
Detra Fitch, Huntress Book Reviews

"THE SALT MAIDEN is a great book filled with action of all kinds - from steamy love scenes to terror ridden suspense. Just when you think you have it all figured out - wham, something unexpected happens. The plot of the story is interesting and the characters in the book are very lifelike. The book touches on the complexities of mother-daughter and sibling relationships. If you want to spend some wonderful time being entertained, you need to invest the time and money in reading this book."
Dana Henderson, Romance Junkies

"Colleen Thompson is an author waiting to 'happen'. Oh, she has been out there, is well respected as a growing talent. She has a solid backlist of amazing tales; only, she just has that presence of an author ready to have that break out novel. The Salt Maiden is that book. Her skill and flow of the prose marks her as a master wordsmith. She weaves an intricate plot into this eerie, sinister tale that kept me spellbound. This simply is Colleen Thompson at her very best. "
Deborah MacGillivray, The Best ReviewsTHE SALT MAIDEN by Colleen Thompson is riveting suspense with an emotionally satisfying romance. The finely detailed characterization combines with an eerie exquisitely written landscape to make this novel a reading and re-reading pleasure...Colleen Thompson creates a romance that is reflective in tone through her portrait of the wasteland, adding a fresh intriguing vision to the genre.

Check out Colleen's blog here

A bientot


Thursday, January 03, 2008

Looking Back

2007 was an okay year, I think.


There was some deep happiness. But some bad exceptions too.

It depends on how you break it down, I guess. If one concentrates, say, on one's house, it was relatively quiet this year for me with a horrible ending (see Christmas Eve events). There is still some leak in the water line, evidently outside between the well and the house. YAAAAAAAAAY!!! But I did have some repair work done and I am proud of that. I plan to do some more in 08. It's hard to be a pioneer in the wilderness.

So I don't think about it.

If one concentrates on sports, we are in heaven here in the Boston area. World Series win (and may I point out that the last Yankee WS win was in 2000--oh how sweet to utter those words), perfect Patriots, outstanding Celtics. Thankfully the Bruins still suck or else everybody else would despise us more than they do now. I don't really follow hockey, mainly because you can't see the puck. Don't let them tell you you can. Only the players can see it.

Lisa Nowak (NASA Photo JSC2005-E-20604)

We started the year with that astronaut who drove 900 miles (thank god for Depends) to attack another woman she considered a romantic rival for her boyfriend's affections. Yikes. Found in her possession when arrested were a steel mallet, a buck knife with a four-inch blade, a BB gun and a map to the rival's house. I say that's a woman who cares. But I do have to wonder why she didn't drive to the guy's house instead. Why do we women always turn on each other? It isn't right.

In this undated photo provided by, Kumari Fulbright is shown during a photo shoot for a calendar in Arizona. Fulbright, 25, was indicted with three men Dec. 18, 2007, by a Pima County Superior Court grand jury on charges of kidnapping, armed robbery, aggravated robbery and two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, the Arizona Daily Star reported. Fulbright, was Miss Pima County in 2005 and Miss Desert Sun in 2006, and sought the title of Miss Arizona during those years. (AP Photo/

In a somewhat related story, this law student, who posed for a calendar featuring young women with guns. recently was accused of holding and torturing her ex-boyfriend with the help of three other men, including another man she had previously dated. This to me makes much more sense. I have myself agreed to pose for the older non-stomach-viewing version of this calendar.

Hey, here's a question. Let's say you are a person blessed with great athletic ability, intelligence, and luck. Let's say that you get to play professional sports for a living and live in a mansion and have lots of money. Let's not even talk about the bennies that come with that lifestyle. Let's just ask the question: what more could you possibly want? Well, ladies and gentlemen, here is the answer.


Honestly, wouldn't you have had to dig really hard for that answer?

To me, Jello wrestling would be lots more fun or even Jello table hockey, at which I believe I would still excel over any comers.

If one picks personal issues, I never have gotten to high school weight, but at least I stayed the same. I still don't look as good as this:

But I'm better than this:

You have to be glad if you are in the middle somewhere.
My romantic idols are still Chuck and Cam.

Am I the only person who finds these two terribly romantic? Look what they went through to finally get together. The hat weighs 25 pounds and can be inverted into a springform pan and used to hold a chocolate mousse pie. That makes me wonder how it is around the dinner table with mom. A lot of harumphing, I imagine. Is she Princess Camilla now? She can't be queen, I think. I'm still buying clothes and not wearing them. I finished half of my nun book and now face the second half. Since convent life has changed greatly in the years since I knew nuns (Pleistocene era), I am doing research to support my story, or at least so my story won't be pitiably unrealistic.

This is REPOSE by John Singer Sargent and it's going to be me for the rest of my vacation.

That's the theory anyway.

Happy New Year, dear reader.