Getting Larger

No, I don't mean I myself am getting larger; hopefully, I am getting smaller by the day (12.5 total loss). I mean my computer screen. The computer viper must have snuck in overnight and changed the settings to LARGE because everything is TRES GRANDE. I went to the settings and it only says "normal." Normal for intergalactic nine-feet-tall space aliens, maybe. Normal for a giant quivering eyeball with bloodshot red veins that sits up in a chair and reads to itself, maybe, but not for me.

My son is trying to help, but he's not here. Is there a movie where the main character is swallowed by the computer? Should there be?

In other news, I was interviewed today by a charming young woman who looks a lot like Sandra Bullock, who would be perfect in the leading role of COUPON GIRL. She asked me good questions and I stumbled and stammered and pretty much blithered my way through. I begged her not to make me sound like a dipshit and she said she would. PRESTO!!! NO LONGER A DIPSHIT!! That's like the old joke, "will I be able to play the violin after the surgery? Yes? Oh thank god, I never could before."

I just set another booksigning at Hudson Art & Framing in Hudson, MA and I think it will, well, kick ass. I don't normally like to use vulgar words, but I was reading someone else's blog yesterday and noticed that she used the word "ass" in a hip very cool way. "It looked ass," which meant, I think, that it looked bad, really bad. That seemed so cool to me and it makes me wonder if I could use other parts with equal assurance.

"That dress looks scrotum on you. "

Or the alternate "That dress looks penis."

Or even the really insulting "That dress looks penis with ulcerated sores."

It may take me a while to get the hang of it.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I'm off to a writers' convention. I'm staying in a hotel with a nice shower!!!!! What a luxury.

A bientot