Monday, August 27, 2007


In keeping with recent existential concerns, my day started with this question: What is the purpose of a lone sock?
Furthermore, what is the purpose of KEEPING a lone sock?
This has led to a rather violent cleaning out of my sock drawer today and I'm sorry I started, though I think I'll be glad later. In truth, the formal name for this drawer is the sock/underwear/stopwatch/old prescription granny glasses/truly peculiar jewelry drawer.

I was tough. I was in fact heartless. You would have been proud of me, dear reader.

Here were the rules.

1) Anything over five years old that hasn't been worn or used or wept over? GONE!! VAMOOSE!! HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!

2) Any underwear with flowers, days of the week, or that used to belong to my mother? [good God!!!] GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!! YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!!!

3) Any sock without a mate, even if it's a close match? SAYONARA, BIG BOY!!! DON'T LET THE DOOR TO THE TRASH BIN HIT YOU ON THE HEEL ON YOUR WAY OUT!!

I started out being way cruel to the scarves but then started wavering [that's always death in a purge] Styles come back. We could possibly wear weird Timothy Leary LSD-influenced paisley bow ties again. It's possible. So a few of those made the cut. Any scarf larger than a roadmap of Worcester is now GONZO. Little tiny scarves, like Dale Evans and cowgirls used to wear, I kept, although if I wore one of those, I'd probably strangle myself with it. Those things are small. You could use them for snakebite tourniquets. Remember the ghost story about the woman who always wore the purple choker until the day she died and they took it off and HER HEAD FELL OFF??? Maybe that will be me. Hwaaaaaaaa!

Keep this in mind. THIS WAS NOT THE SCARF DRAWER. So any scarves that were in there were there under FALSE PRETENSES and deserved what they got. As I said, many of them were let back in, including a few schmattes that should have gone.

I even tried to throw out some trashy old paperbacks that were lurking near the drawer. It's hard for me to throw out a book, though, so most of those are still here too.
See, that's what happens with a purge. It only lasts a certain number of minutes before you start to weaken. But some good was done.


Soon I may start on the kitchen cupboards and the police may have to be alerted to that one. The crockery will be flying.
Living the Very Last of the Dream,


At 10:23 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

I need to do some purging. Haha, people who've seen my apartment would laugh at the understatment that is the word "some". Name any category of stuff and I need to purge it, a lot -- maybe your tale will inspire me, though I'm exceptionally good at not purging things that should have been purged years ago. Is it really as freeing as all that? I just can't bear to trash things. I've considered the idea of taking digital pictures of everything first, to ease the pain, but the idea still hasn't prompted any actual action...

At 6:27 AM , Blogger Darla said...

Oh I love doing a clothing/sock drawer purge. It makes life easier in the long run, you don't have to fight through all the unusable stuff to get to something you want to wear. Less mess, less stress!

I would like to share with you how I darn socks. If I find a sock with a hole in it, I no longer chastise myself that I should sew up the hole and get more use out of it. I hold the sock over the trash can and mutter 'darn, darn darn!' and I drop it in the trash can and forget about the DARN thing!

But there are other uses for old socks, like using them for dusting or making sock puppets...but I find when I do these things, it's out of guilt feelings about kicking the sock out of the sock

At 7:24 AM , Blogger beckymotew said...

SM1, I love the idea of the digitial pictures, although they could hang around and haunt you with guilt after the stuff was gone. Still, a good idea.

GREAT darning advice. I'll take it. Thanks.


At 3:50 AM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

I'm with you on the tossing out of the un-necessary clutter. Just shut your eyes and biff. ABM may disagree - he still has t-shirts from the 70s ... I kid you not.
Which reminds me, I have a lone sock or two of my own that have been getting away with lurking in my sock drawer for far too long - oh yes, and some granny glasses too!
Keep enjoying The Dream for as long as it lasts.

At 7:41 AM , Blogger beckymotew said...

The granny glasses absolutely had to go, CB. Crunch!!!



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