Sunday, December 02, 2007

More Bloopers

From recent argumentation essays on the death penalty:

"...the evil men who decided to take the lives of the innocent have been put to rest and can move on."

"If people keep comitting crimes on the streets, is it safe that they are wandering around neighborhoods where little children sleep at night after they have been let out of jail for murder?"

"This happened to a girl who was barley in high school."

[this one is describing the development of a pregnancy}
"At twelve weeks, the gentiles appear."
[ed. note: I never knew this. Apparently, if you put the cells from a 12-week fetus under the microscope you can actually see a whole bunch of little Presbyterians swimming around, some with pink and green whales on their trunks.]

Okay, so enough of that.

On Google, when you sign in, it says "Choose Your Identity." And you know, I wish I could. I'd pick Winona Ryder. She's so pretty and probably got a bad rap on that shoplifting thing. I wouldn't care. I'd be Winona.

Or I'd pick Molly Ringwald. She's grown up and lives in Paris I read and still carries that innocence, tempered of course with whatever life has thrown at her, most likely loss of fame. If she walked through Hannaford's, would anyone know her?

That's the True Fame Criterion: the Hannaford Walk.

I would not be Marie Osmond or anyone who has to dance or faint or pretend to faint. Well, that's not entirely true since I pretended to faint when I played the Mayor's Wife in Bye Bye Birdie many years ago. But I ain't bein' Marie, know what I'm sayin'?

This is me, dear reader.

My pace has been ten research papers per day and when I do take time out for a nuked-up something-or-other, my mental skills more closely resemble little Dahlia's:

In truth, Dahlia's mental proficiency is quite high. It's just that in her case it is all directed toward having fun.

Shouldn't we all be having more fun?

Things look tough sometimes, dear reader. I keep having to learn the same lessons over and over.

But my favorite season is here.

A bientot


At 2:01 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

I imagine it'd be a tough choice for a Hannaford clerk, between chatting with a famous actress or maintaining a vow of gruffness.

I wasn't barley until college... or was it hops?

At 3:26 PM , Blogger becky motew said...

HA, sm. You are such a wag.

I was hops too.


At 5:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you shouldnt be plagorizing your students papers...I did not see any references to go with those quotes there. Moreover it seems inconsiderate and rude to post quotes from papers, it is quite obvious you arent posting them to give praise, but rather as a form of entertainment, at whose expense?

At 11:22 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

Well, if the quotes were attributed, then it actually would be at someone's expense, wouldn't it?

Advice for the easily mortified: proofread! Else suffer the indignity of being my source of entertainment! And maybe lighten up and enjoy your own comical creations.

At 3:46 AM , Blogger Eliza Graham said...

Maybe check your spellings, anonymous? And your dictionary definitions, too. There seems to be a verb you've misunderstood.


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