Friday, November 02, 2007

Candy Bar Review

Fun Size Candy Bars

We normally have this festive event before Halloween, boys and girls, but this year, due to heavensent delirious godfearing World Series baseball, we are having it after.

Okay, here goes. Now don't send me hate mail if your fave doesn't get mentioned. Not everybody gets picked, okay?

Let's start with the obvious. In the beginning there was...................

the Hershey Bar. It's still pretty tasty. A steady diet of this will ruin your teeth like no other.

Of course you have your M&M lovers and they are a naive lot since most of them still believe that the red ones taste different from the yellow ones. I didn't say stupid, okay? I didn't.

Now in the category of M&Ms, there are some flavorful subgroups. One of these is the peanut M&M. I like them okay, but they're hard for me to chew and I feel like Bugs Bunny when I try to do it. Plus you get nuts all in your teeth afterwards and who needs that?

A VERY fine new addition to the M&M family, and one that does not get its just due (I'm not going to say "just deserts" because I'M ABOVE THAT) is the peanut butter M&M. Mmmmm, better than Reese's in this humble root canal victim's heart.

Breaking news: raspberry M&Ms. Three words: Oh. My. God.

Moving on.
Milky Way is a boring candy bar. It has nothing special to recommend it, plus it falls into what I call the "airy" category. It's full of air. It's not dense like Hershey or Dove. Know what I'm saying? Another airy bar is....

Three Musketeers is completely airy and a few have been seen levitating off the ground in certain grocery aisles.

Twix and Kit Kat are the same candy bar. When they get sick of putting the Twix wrapper on at the factory, they switch over to Kit Kat. There's no logic to it and probably has to do with what Muzak tunes are coming in over the loudspeaker. You don't want to be there on the day someone sneaks in a Metallica heavy metal selection. The workers go crazy. It's like when those Japanese kids went berserk watching some of those anime cartoons and had seizures or something. That's the kind of thing Twix and Kit Kat can cause.

Sometimes they end up with something really stupid like ....
Clark and Butterfingers are also the same. It gets hard keeping these straight and it's a little like Clark Kent turning into Superman. WAIT. ARE WE DOING CLARK TODAY? WHICH ONE ARE WE DOING? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Nestle's Crunch has always been a stand-up bar. You get what you pay for. It's a little airy and you can really sense and intuit the Rice Krispies inside, but it's satisfying in the end, especially when you have to lick it off your fingers and hands.

True story: I was once in Cancun, Mexico, lounging on the beach with some friends. Somebody had handed me a Crunch bar and I had opened it and forgotten it. It was resting comfortably on my leg and melting into oblivion when someone saw it and screamed. Delicacy forbids further comment.
I am not into Baby Ruth. They are always stale and the peanuts are loose. They're not embedded firmly into the rest of the candy and I call that disappointing.
Has anyone ever heard of Abba Zabba? It sounds like one of those Iraqi prison camps. One of my friends just told me about it and I'm only including it because I never heard of it. It looks evil. I think they give it to you right before the firing squad aims their rifles at you. You can have a cigarette or an Abba Zabba.
Heath Bars are excellent but are one of the few candy bars that are better in ice cream than they are in real life.

Moving toward the best ones now:
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the # 1 selling candy bar in the United States and the Reese's brand is the most successful brand owned by The Hershey Company.

Reese's was the winner last year and in second place this year only because I am so very fond of the peanut butter M&Ms. Reese's Pieces are ever so slightly plasticky in taste.

But number one this year and I'm letting my students determine this.

That's right, four out of five of Motew's composition students picked Snickers for their top bar. So let's have a round of applause while I call my dentist for a cleaning.

Be here now.
A bientot


At 4:58 PM , Blogger Austin Carr said...

Butterfingers and Clark bars do NOT taste the same. You are no candy expert, Becky.

At 5:02 PM , Blogger beckymotew said...

YES THEY DO, Austin.

I grew up in the Midwest. They tasted the same is one big chunk and the other in more than one section, isn't that it?


At 8:40 PM , Blogger Kristina said...

I have to differ on Kit Kats and Twixes, too! I LOVE TWIX. 'Tis my favorite bar (short of the fancy deluxe dark chocolates they have out there now which I adore) and I don't care so much for Kit Kat.

Twixes have caramel OOZING. Kit Kats are just kinda crunchy chocolate with no real flavor...

I concur on Heath. Tasty, but better in ice cream (especially since the Heath bar weighs about as much as the empty wrapper. Could it get any smaller? It's gone before I realize I've eaten it.)

My word verification is "kprsrzt" which sounds like the kind of candy they have in some tiny Eastern bloc nation-state.

At 10:18 PM , Blogger beckymotew said...

HAR, Kristina.

Well gosh, I guess Austin Carr is right. I'm no expert. I still say the airy ones are airy, though.


At 4:30 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

Such controversy! Piling on, I suppose you could argue that M&Ms aren't "candy bars", unless they melt into an amorphous blob sitting in your glovebox. Hadn't heard of the raspberry ones, though I have had the dark chocolate ones (my review: "eh.").

I like a Skor bar, though I haven't had one in rather a while. (Funny how a candy bar has a web site.) I'm not big on airy ones either, though I'll take a Milky Way Dark. Skor has no air.

I didn't get much Halloween candy this year. Maybe Hannaford will have something good in the 50% off bin.

At 5:57 PM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

M&Ms and Snickers are over here too - But my favourite would have to be the Snowflake ... a white chocolate Flake. Of course we have different bars over here - Flake, Crunchie, Pinkie, Mars, Nut Roll ... they all sound kinda like names for something wicked or tacky don't they - and believe me they're all of that which is good. In the world of chocolate. Mmmmm

At 3:48 AM , Blogger becky motew said...

White chocolate Flae sounds kind of good, CB. We do have Mars bars, of course, and a true analysis would have had that in there. Sigh. It's like brands of cars. You just can't remember them all.

SM, I love makes a sports term sounds Scandinavian and taste even better.

Thanks, you guys.

At 10:18 PM , Anonymous Candy D. P. said...

Have to agree that Butterfingers and Clark bars are definitely not the same and I wish I hadn't read this at all as I am on a diet! But as for chocolate, Cadbury's is the best by far, with their creme eggs topping my list of nearly irresistable temptations. Thank God they only come out at Easter. Maybe I'll have lost enough weight by then to indulge.


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