Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back to Reality

Daisuke Matsuzaka packed up his locker as media members looked on.
Here you can see some of the Japanese media sucking up to Dice K as he packs his gear to go home.
"Hey Dice! What are you hiding there in your hand? Is it your glasses?"
"Yeah, man! We thought the umpires were supposed to be blind! Funny, huh, hey Dice?"
Groveling is the same in any language.

So meanwhile, I have to get back to serious fashion accumulation before my trip to Paris. Trouble is, everything is 1) Stone Ugly or 2)Ridiculously Expensive or 3)Plain Stupid.
Here is a 2/3 combo from DKNY

Graphic Tweed Sheath Dress
Sleeveless? In winter? Let's call this the Hypothermia Special and at $345 you can really prove your brainlessness. Also, I probably don't have time to lose 70 pounds by December.

This one is very cute but is a clear #2 (Ridiculously Expensive):

Merino Wool Turtleneck Dress
It seems almost affordable at $175, but come on. The skirts always look normal length in the photographs and then when they arrive at your house, they are micro-mini. Uh, I don't think so. Still, this one is very cute, I must say.
pinch-pleat tee
This is cute, but a semi-Hypothermia item and I don't like the cutesie little gathers. I don't do gathers. It's a reasonable 32.95 from J. Jill, where I never have any luck. Their clothes are all for soccer moms who drive huge SUVs and want their pre-schoolers to learn French. Maybe I should hang out with them.

Talbot's just plain annoys me. HEY! WANNA PAY TWO HUNDRED BUCKS FOR A PLAIN PAIR OF BLACK PANTS? COME ON DOWN! This brown poncho-ish belted jacket with the bat wings is kind of cute, but on me it would have odd bulges that you wouldn't want to see, trust me.

Here's a cute Hypothermia-Anorexia dress from my main girlfriend, Liz Claiborne:

Only $129. We're getting into my range slowly. Not there yet, though. Let's try TJMaxx.
They make you put in your zip code and this is what it just said back to me:
There are no additional events in your area at this time. Please check back, as events are updated weekly.
Okay then, let's really dream and try Nordstrom's. What are they hawking this week?
What about these little booties/cuties guaranteed to send me straight down on the sidewalk again and break more of my elbows. Oh wait. I only have two. Guess how much these cost? Okay, I'll tell you. 465 clams. Come on, come on. Get up. Don't faint.

See now, I'm losing the will to live. I can never shop for very long. But I just found these on American Apparel, a lower priced outlet and can I believe my eyes?

Aren't these, well, tube socks? The kind your ten-year-old brother wore in 1970 when he was annoying the shit out of you and sticking gum in your hair?
I dunno, dear reader. What are they all thinking?
Je suis confusee.
A bientot


At 5:44 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

A trip to Paris? Yummy. A trip through the brochures with you is hilarious. Tube socks! Did you have poodle socks over there in the 50s - now they were cute! And tent dresses? Shift dresses ... whole categories; rafts; of fashions about to make a reappearance. 'Land sakes!' as Anne's Aunt Martha would say. (Remember her horror at Anne's request for puff sleves?) Ah, but Puff Sleeves are in again I see ... proving that what comes around goes around - c'est la vie!

At 5:46 AM , Blogger Kay said...

BTW krumz is me, Kay!

At 7:59 AM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

Those are all good ones, krumz! Where did you get such a nickname? Puff sleeves would look laughable on me. So many things do. Sigh.

At 10:21 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...

(Don't tell me krumz are all that's left from the chief biscuit!)

At 6:25 AM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

gosh, I never thought of that. That must be it, sm.
I think they mean biscuits as cookies, but they'd still have crumbs of course. Duh.

At 10:46 PM , Blogger Hank Phillippi Ryan said...

Black T shirts. Black pants. Black flats. A cardigan to tie around your shoulders. Or a beautiful scarf.

No asymmetrical anything. No ruching. No fanny packs. No running shoes. No jeans. No khakis (as if aanyone could find khaki pants that fit anyway.)

Now. What happened to pantyhose. That's just not done anymore?

Bring me something? Even something sleeveless?

At 3:28 PM , Blogger Becky Motew said...

I'm taking all your advice, Hank. You always look incredibly fabulous.



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