Saturday, June 10, 2006

Grocery Rant(apologies to Pub Rants)

I went to Shaw's today in Leominster, MA. I wanted to see if B&N across the way had my book (they did but only one copy way in the back, that's another story for another time), and it seemed foolish to travel all the way back to Hudson to go to stinkin' Hanna--Ha--Ha [choking]. So I swept into Shaw's with an imperious sneer. Well, no, not really. I swept in with my usual tail-between-my-legs demeanor, ready to grovel and kowtow to anyone who spoke to me.

Guess how much I spent for supposedly one week. Remember, I live alone.


$94!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can this be? I vowed to analyze my purchasing habits.

The first thing they hit you with in any grocery is the produce so that you can crush it with heavier items as you continue to shop. Many is the watermelon I've gotten home to find soup can imprints on top of. Some stores have the bread aisle right next to this one so you can crush your rolls too.

Produce is expensive. I spent $20.72 on it. But in order to do this South Beach rigamarole, you have to.

Small bag of onions 1.29
broccoli crowns 2.99
cut watermelon 1.85
one red pepper 2.51 (I wish I hadn't bought this)

green beans 1.47 (a veritable bargain)

green pepper .67 (another bargain)

zucchini 5.80 (gasp)

red seedless grapes 4.14 (I'm getting the vapors)

BUYER'S REMORSE ITEMS (things I wish I hadn't bought)

red pepper (see above)
Lipton Raspberry teabags 3.49
Shaw's Light Cream 1.79 (shame on me)

All the rest, including extra large package of honey ham, I NEED, I TELL YOU!! Not to mention Cascade, Hefty bags and all the crapola we're taught that we need.

ISN'T THIS FASCINATING? All to distract myself from the fact that I have not inched forward on Victory yet today. I think I'm at 73,500 words and all I'm doing is fattening up the middle. Some drafts are meant to fatten and some to slash. I'm working on the first AND second drafts because I'm special (you may pronounce that "spatial").

A bientot


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