Friday, December 22, 2006

Bring it, Santa!!!!

Once again, you might think this was the national Christmas tree in Washington D.C., but you would be wrong. We decided to go all out on our tree this year. I took every penny from my teaching stipends and invested in this baby. Whaddya think? I admit it's a little overwhelming for my street, but you know, sometimes you have to go with your gut.

I also borrowed from my retirement fund and bought a ten thousand dollar black dress. It is killer in every sense of the word. Now if only my roof doesn't collapse and/or my windows blow out.

[ed. note: you can't be buying this. You don't think she has a retirement fund, do you?]

Was I rash? I do act rashly sometimes. But I finally have respect from the neighbors, or I think I do. They don't usually talk to me anyway. They're probably worried which way that thing is going to fall when it comes down.


Brie pastry
Chicken Wings
Guacamole dip
Various chips and dips

followed by desserts:
chocolate mousse pie
cheesecake (new recipe--pray for no failure!!)

[BREAKING NEWS: sad oven accident with cheesecake involving breach in spring form pan integrity, but cc salvaged. Big split down the middle but will cover with cherry pie filling, same thing I do with old lingerie items]

layer cake
candy and nuts
additional dessert made by my daughter, god bless her forever

God, that doesn't sound like enough, does it? I won't be happy until people are staggering in gastric distress, though some stagger anyway for other reasons. I am always standing at the door begging guests to take stuff home. (TAKE THE COUCH!! PLEASE!!) Every year it's the same. That's what we like about the holidays, isn't it? The sameness? Or as my students would say, the same but different.

There was no soot in the wood stove. And here I've been stressing over it for weeks. See? Things take care of themselves.

The big question is will I be able to stay awake? My sleeping habits are so peculiar. I fall asleep heavily at 8pm and then wake up at 11:30. Can I do this at the party? I suffer from a messiah complex sometimes and feel I have to guide the events or they will fail. This might be a Virgo trait or just plain extreme egotism.

Of course we will have to go through the tiresome recitation of why I don't have cable TV and/or a DVD player. "Put a VCR tape in," I say. "They play fine. Remember when you loved Benjie?"

My kids never seem to remember their joy at seeing Benjie on the VCR and they give me that silent superior shake of the head. Then I get to give my favorite line of the year as I sweep out the door imperiously: "Get a life." A couple of years I tripped during the exit move, but I still think the line went over well.

So that's it from control center. All systems go and awaiting final touches. Maybe I'll buy one of those big blow-up Santa Claus On a Motorcycle balloons and put it on my roof, assuming of course that the roof holds.

Additionally, I don't have enough poinsettias.

I feel aneurysms forming.



At 12:31 PM , Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Becky you're a killer. You make me laugh so much. I just love this send-up.("Send-up? Send-up? Wha' she mean send-up?" I hear you cry,"This is my life!")
The allusion to cc and underwear in one breath's a winner - and the 'Get a life!' exit. (But every line's a winner!... You had me going; chuckle, chuckle, snort, snort! ... the GOOD kind of snorting that is.)

Have a truly wonderful Christmas with your nearests and dearests. Enjoy the stupendous tree and knock 'em dead with your black dress and chocolate mousse!

(Only one more sleep over here now!)

At 3:28 PM , Blogger Becky said...

Oh, thank you, Chief. I am so glad we met.



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