Martha Stewart, Eat Your Heart Out

It all started when I found these Santa Claus napkin rings stuck in a drawer at my father's house. My mother made them and they are utterly cute. See how they stand up on the plate? [don't shake your head, dear reader--I will snap out of this soon] Maeve will love them. The color of the napkins doesn't exactly match the color of Santa's hat, but I haven't gone completely gaga. Not yet. Not entirely. I could still race out frantically to Macy's and get new napkins.

Incidentally, here is a question for a)other Martha Stewart types and/or b)laundry experts. What happens when someone wipes their mouth off with a cloth napkin and it's not a man? What happens when it's a woman wearing lipstick? Know what I'm sayin'? I mean you can't criticize them for it. EXCUSE ME, MRS. PARSLEY, BUT COULD YOU GO A LITTLE EASIER ON WIPING YOUR MOUTH OFF? I don't understand how those stains are ever removed. You'd have to soak them in lye. You'd have to keep a vat of it going all year round. DON'T TOUCH THAT. THOSE ARE THE CLOTH NAPKINS FROM CHRISTMAS DINNER. MRS. SMITH WORE REVLON'S FIRE AND ICE LIPSTICK AND IT'S GOING TO TAKE A FEW MONTHS.

Okay, I'm just asking.




And what about this display of high decorating? Do you know the elbow grease it took to make that silver tea service shine? The sheer will power to bring it back from blackness? I didn't even consume alcohol while I was doing it and that gives me more points, doesn't it? I played The Nutcracker and enjoyed myself. I was Hudson in Upstairs, Downstairs -- more probably Ruby, the ugly stupid kitchen maid. Incidentally, I wouldn't want to actually serve tea or coffee in these babies. The insides are streaked with ancient silver polish and rather nasty.



I even bought a new lamp. I don't think it's supposed to have a shade, but I'm not sure.




Anyway, problems still remain. Just for fun, I decided to open the vacuum cleaner to see how full the bag was getting. Big mistake. It was impacted like a bad colon, an intractable problem. So now today I have to try to replace it. I seem to remember that it is a weird type that almost no one carries. Dontcha love that? A vacuum cleaner emergency is tradition for me at the holidays.

Last blooper of 2009, dear reader, but it's a good one:
"When committing crimes, officers of the law do their best to apprehend the criminals."

On that note, I wish joy to all of you, on this day and all days.
love,
becky