Monday, March 02, 2009

Snow Day Bitch & Moan




By March, dear reader, the high exhilaration of a snow day is replaced with sighs, outright whining, or "whinning" as my students would put it, and the fervent hope that the power will stay on. And if you think you've seen road rage, I guarantee you haven't seen electrical-power-I-Need-My-Microwave-fk-you-National Grid rage. I don't own a gun, but somewhere on the premises is a huge, I mean HUGE, slingshot. Picture me on the roof, dear reader, poised for attack. Think I could take out a few squirrels? Me too. I think it would feel really good.

Let's get right to the whining, shall we?
1) Only yesterday remembered to haul garbage out to the street. Now it is capsized and blocking the driveway from plow entrance. Plus nowhere to move the beast after I get it standing upright.

2) Course syllabus in disarray. I consider humans to be adults at 18, don't you? I consider an adult to be capable of figuring out what is due when, no matter the weather or cancellations. Confusion will reign on this and may require slingshot solution.

3) Snow shovel buried in snow somewhere. Remember vague whereabouts but need to kick snow around to locate. Looks like umpire dusting off home plate but more sweat. Slingshot no help.

4) Dishwasher not working. Unrelated to snow day but seems more problematic in absence of regular activities.

5) Regular misery. God, I'm a complainer, aren't I? YEAH, BABY, I AM! WHAT OF IT!

GOOD THINGS TO THINK ABOUT DURING SNOW DAY
1) Already did grocery shopping, so don't have to face Hannaford's. Can feel a bit smug and superior thinking about the poor dumfks who do. My father always refers to people as "poor devils" as in "those poor devils in [an unfortunate place in the world]."



2) Had the good sense to buy new tires recently. Today it is paying off. Maybe I will invest in a bullhorn so I can announce it to the general population. DRIVING WITH NEW TIRES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAKE WAY! I wonder where a bullhorn could be purchased.

3) No papers to grade.

4) I guess that's it.

Okay, okay, enough of this. Let's see if we can reclaim our sense of wonder, our innate optimism, our hope and confidence for the future. I'm holding my arms out and embracing the world.
HAH! YOU LOOK LIKE A FKING IDIOT!
KEEP LOOKING FOR THE SLINGSHOT!
A bientot, dear reader. Stay calm.
love,
becky

1 Comments:

At 10:53 PM , Blogger Kay said...

I love it when you whine! ;)

 

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