Wednesday, August 25, 2010


MIrrors are tricky. They can ruin your day. Shown here, Stepford Woman just prior to stoning death.

The mirror in my guest room is a treasured possession. I never look haggard in it, probably because the lighting is poor. Poor lighting is crucial. Don't forget it.

The mirror in my bedroom is balanced on a stack of books and so is a bit cockeyed. This gives me an optimistic start to my day.

Mirrors in optical shops can give you a heart attack. Don't go in there. What is it that you want to see anyway? The mirrors in these joints--Lenscrafter, etc.-- have excruciating honest lighting. Convert to Catholicism and go to confession if you want to share all your faults.

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The rear view mirror in the car is flattering. One reason is that it doesn't show all of your face. Also, it doesn't show your neck at all. Who knew the neck would turn out to be your worst betrayer. If you go from the car mirror into an optical shop, don't say I didn't warn you.

Department store mirrors are okay. The lighting is fluorescent or artificial or something. They don't insist that you look at each plague pustule in detail. Macy's mirrors are generally okay. Some of them actually make you look thin. I think this is explained in a little known corollary of Einstein's relativity theory (tjmxx=fu2) and has to do with gravity and time and other scientific data such as wishful thinking. WHen you buy that odd daring item, it never looks as good in any other mirror.

This is how I think I look. By the way, I used to have plates in this pattern. Damn!


This is how I look at Lenscrafter.

Five-way or three-way mirrors can be frightening. That's when you see what your stomach has been doing behind your back. Good God! Also, I sometimes find my nose exceptionally beaky in these reflections. Is that my ass? I'm sure it isn't. And that can't be how my hair looks in the back. When did I get that big crop circle on the top?

Kylie: The Exhibition

Makeup mirrors are excellent. They make every woman look like Grace Kelly or Elizabeth Taylor. What's not to like? I don't have one of these. I don't believe in Santa Claus either.

They say the camera adds ten pounds and it's true. The side view, even with the stomach sucked in, can be a throat-clutching moment. You may need to sit down. Stay there. Most everyone looks better sitting down

The best way I know to fight these problems is denial.

That can't be how I look.

A bientot


At 12:04 AM , Blogger sandman1 said...

Denial is good -- I like denial. Wait, no I don't... I never need denial for anything. Nope, not me.


At 11:23 AM , Blogger Becky Willis Motew said...

Just saw this, sm. HAR.

At 4:04 PM , Blogger sandman1 said...



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